The internet is a wild place, and nowhere is this truer than when a cultural delicacy crosses international lines. We’ve seen Americans try everything from Marmite to mushy peas, often with hilarious and sometimes stomach-turning results.
However, a recent attempt by a US citizen to construct one of the UK’s culinary cornerstones - the mighty fry-up - has sparked a glorious inferno of mockery and criticism online.
It's a meal that defines the UK with the greasy, comforting sight of a properly cooked English, Scottish, or Irish breakfast. The golden yolk of a perfect egg, the rich colour of the black pudding, and the succulent texture of a proper pork sausage are sacred all around. So, when an image surfaced on the r/fryup subreddit, titled ‘American's first attempt’, showing a plate that looked, well, decidedly un-fried, the comments section became an archaeological dig of dry humour.
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This brave American novice posted a picture of their breakfast, attempting a Full Scottish, no less, complete with square sausage (Lorne), black pudding, haggis, tattie scones, eggs, mushrooms, and tomatoes. While the sheer effort of sourcing the specific Scottish ingredients was commendable, the execution was where things came undone.
It’s even more stunning than the German version we’ve seen before, but in a totally different way. The comments, of course, did not hold back.
One commenter wrote: "F*k me you'd need a 2 litre of Evian to get through that."
Another agreed, saying: "You could strike a match on that!"
The metaphors of extreme dehydration continued with comparisons to ‘air fried newspaper’, ‘a death valley cream cracker’, and another brutally comparing it to a nun’s nether regions. One eagle-eyed user noted the very small amount of sauce added on, as they said: "That single sachet of HP sauce is out of its depth."
The ingredients themselves were not spared the onslaught. The sausages were a particular low point, described as looking ‘anaemic’, or something ‘excavated from an archeological dig’. One user commented on the sausages: "Day 3 and it appears Phil's team may have just unearthed an iron age sausage."
The eggs, too, were a casualty of over-frying, with one person leaving a quick review, saying: "It looks like those fried eggs were cooked for about 3 days longer than necessary."
Despite the ferocious social media roasting, the consensus was that this was a respectable effort for a first-timer. The inclusion of black pudding and tattie scones earned ‘extra points’.
One user especially summed up the tough-love approach: "Don't forget, we tease you when we like you haha."
The aspiring fry-up cook responded to the barrage of comments simply with: "Update: damn."
Topics: Social Media, UK Food, US Food, Cooking
Ben Williams