It’s a British institution to the point of banality but, if you’ve somehow missed it, we Britons are fond of tea. It’s the universal beverage that’s suitable for any occasion – except, perhaps, dinner – and people’s preferences can be pretty hard-edged.
Some will turn their nose up at anything other than the darkest-orange complexion, while others want theirs as white as the driven snow.
A good office tea-maker not only checks for such preferences, but knows exactly how to deliver the goods.
Some people, however, can’t be trusted, and we’re not talking about the suspicious creatures who put the milk in first.
One man in particular has made it difficult to trust anyone who’s making tea out of sight, and surely won’t ever get asked to stick a brew on again.
Lem, the man in question, shared his alternative tea-making ‘hack’ via his @lemtiktok7 TikTok account.
It’s business as usual to start with: tea bags are steeping, there are biscuits waiting dutifully on the side, all seems well.
But as with the best horror films, this normality is secretly priming us for a horrible revelation.
Once the teas are suitably brewed, Lem reaches not for a carton of milk, but a carton of custard.
One can only imagine what possessed Lem to do such a thing, but it’s best not to imagine what the concoction might have tasted like, or what kind of mouth-feel you’d get from this aberrant brew.
"Custard in a cuppa, trust me, don't knock it 'til you try it," he said, inviting the braying mob to descend.
He said the idea first came to him, like many bad ideas do, when he realised he had run out of milk. “Initiative kicked in,” he said, which is one way of putting it.
Sure enough, his viewers swiftly condemned the recipe as “horrifying”.
"This is an actual sin,” said one commenter, “curdled egg tea isn't the one."
"Death or custard in tea... hmm I'll get back to you," said another who couldn’t believe their eyes.
"As a Yorkshire man this is an outrage!” said another. “You're a wrong-un! Your initiative has led you down the path of stupidity."
"Who has custard in but not milk?" asked another, despite the answer being in plain sight: Lem.
"I feel like a law has just been broken,” added another.
It did, however, prompt some to share their own ‘innovations’, including using vanilla syrup, double cream, and butter. To be fair, custard sounds like a better option than butter.
Others even praised Lem for his resourcefulness, which was very charitable of them indeed.
Featured Image Credit: Emma Farrer via Getty ImagesTopics: TikTok
Rachael Davis