Bizarre ‘brie-ing’ craze sees middle-aged women stick party drug on a cheese board

Who doesn’t love a good cheese board? Provided you’ve got a taste for fermented milk and pickled relishes, you’re in for a good time.

While some of us graduate from illicit activities in pub toilets to more mature, casual affairs with friends gathered around a selection of cheeses, crackers and condiments, some like to bring the two worlds a little closer together.

All it takes is to shove an MDMA pill inside some brie, and you’re good to go. Please note, of course, that possession of a class A drug is a criminal offence that FOODBible does not at all endorse.

A woman with a pill on her tongue - Peter Dazeley via Getty Images

Now that our backs are covered, let’s get into the details.

Party drug MDMA, otherwise known as ecstasy or MD, triggers intense feelings of euphoria in its takers, along with a sense of connection and ‘love’ for people and things, high levels of alertness and energy.

However, it can also cause strong feelings of anxiety, a raised body temperature, and dehydration. It has also been known to come mixed with lethal variants, such as MDA, which have sadly taken some partygoers’ lives over the years.

It’s easy to spot someone who’s taken it, too: they’ll have eyes like dinner plates and their jaws will likely be gyrating as they grind their teeth. They’ll probably also tell you how much they love you whilst insisting on a sweaty cuddle.

For some middle-aged ladies with a penchant for cheese and partying, the risks and criminality aren’t enough to dissuade them from a spot of brie-ing.

Along with a reported surge in middle-class cocaine usage, Vice reported brie-ing as a trend for those with “lots of money and a penchant for fromage d'Affinois”.

Again, this practice is highly illegal, no matter how middle class or brie-adjacent it has become.

One woman speaking to Metro in 2018 confessed to giving it a go: "Our friend had been given a gram of MDMA by her daughter and we had no idea how to take it as, though some of us had taken coke before, we had not taken MDMA.

"I phoned my son who told us not to sniff it but to swallow it, so we wrapped some of the powder in a cigarette paper and put it in Brie and all took some each,” said the not-like-a-regular-mom mum.

"It was such an intense experience. I am sure most of us at that party have done it with other friends,” she continued. “Wrapping MDMA in brie seems to be a thing now."

Not pictured: the brie these pills went into - Peter Dazeley via Getty Images

Sticking pills into cheese has traditionally been a good way to trick a dog into taking its prescribed medicine, so this method likely has a similar effect.

MDMA is typically very bitter – or so a friend once told me – so perhaps its nasty taste is offset by the creaminess of the brie.

There might be an interesting chemical interaction between the cheese and MDMA, however. Some studies have found that cheese can stimulate the brain in a similar manner to hard drugs, albeit at a far lower level.

Perhaps in combination with the MDMA, the cheese can realise its full psychoactive potential.

But who needs drugs? They’re famously for mugs, after all.

When you’ve got a cheeseboard in front of you, a group of friends, a Keane CD and a live, laugh, love stencil on the wall, how can you possibly feel so unfulfilled as to need a class A drug in your system?